Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Hall of Shame - 4 Movies You'd Rather Give A Miss

There are movies that we all unanimously love, and then there are movies which some worship while others could go a lifetime without watching. But there are also those few movies which should never have been made in the first place. The ones that have no sense, no purpose and to add to the woes, no selling point. I usually do not dislike any movie I watch, since it is always for passing time and entertainment that I watch films. However sometimes, even my patience comes to an end. I present here a short list of the movies that I would never want to be faced with again (or even once). It would be an absolute act of torture if I were made to.

1. Blue Valentine (2010)
DO NOT WATCH. Do not repeat the mistake I committed, even if just to explore what makes me call this movie horrible. You might want to do that, given that online reviews mostly give the movie a 7 or an 8, but ah well. You make a crappy movie, and then call it art. That doesn't change the fact that is was crappy, does it?
Starring well-known actors Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams, the movie takes up the sensitive subject of a love marriage on the rocks, moving back and forth in time between the circumstances leading to the couple's courtship and hasty marriage five years ago and the present day, when they're on the verge of separation due to marital discord. The direction, the shots, the very undertone of the movie is highly depressing and the ending has a certain sense of inevitability associated with it. It seems like the director had in mind exactly how he would shoot the movie, highlighting the despair and sadness of a couple separating etc etc to make the movie a legend. And along the way, he just somehow forgot to even etch the two lead characters properly. I feel they could at least have chosen such individuals the dissolution of whose marriage might have been better, more bearable to watch. Because Dean and Cindy - their marriage was doomed from the very start. I might not be making much sense by now, but the bottomline remains - do not watch.

2. Chaos Theory (2008)
This film got caught up in its own web of chaos I think. It's the story of a man who lives by strict discipline and teaches time management to others, and is faced with such chaotic events starting one day when his wife meddles a little with his clock that he ends up giving up on all discipline and planning in life and decides to live his remaining life purely by chance. The movie's chaotic everywhere - the man is wrongly accused by his wife of cheating and fathering another woman's child, only to discover that his own child isn't his (since he cannot father any child whatsoever) and is in fact his friend's, followed by a lot of stupid chaotic events with guns and boats and mostly forgettable rubbish. Even while writing this review my mind is going for a toss. Why, Ryan Reynolds, why did you have to do this film? Have mercy on your nerves dear readers and stay away.

3. The Graduate (1967)

Coming of age tale? Bleh. This movie is widely touted as a classic and is even lodged in the U.S. National Film History. And yet, I found it quite nonsensical after a certain point. The film had a simple storyline - a nerdy guy graduates from college and having no particular aim in life, gets seduced by an older woman to serve as her closet boytoy, only to soon fall in love with her daughter. So far so good. But that's when the weirdness starts. After the girl dumps him on getting to know from his own mouth about his erstwhile affair with her own mother (epic!) he suddenly decides he wants to marry her and goes after her to another city. The father gets to know too, and she is dropped out of college and almost married off to another guy, when our good old ex-boytoy crashes the wedding and escapes with the bride just as the couple were about to kiss. Initially ecstatic about their elopement, riding to nowhere in the back of a bus - one dressed in wedding finery, the other in rags - the changing look on their faces soon betrays a sense of stupidity and their sad realization of the same. The closing scene shows them looking here and there with blank faces. That was the moment when I went completely facepalm and regretted having wasted two hours of my life for such sheer nonsense.

4. Catwoman (2004)
This one secured a place on the list following a friend's (non-)recommendation. Not having watched it myself and curious to know why he hated the movie so, I read its reviews, only to quickly add it to the Hall of Shame. The storyline of the movie sucks. It isn't even an authentic superhero movie or anything - it just derives its name from the original anti-hero character Catwoman (a part of the Batman comic series), although attributing it with a completely new and pseudo-hero-like persona. An all-time low of Halle Berry's otherwise fine career, that's how this movie deserves to be remembered.
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