Saturday, February 4, 2012

Breaking Down

I have been thinking about what my next post should be. It's already been long enough since I wrote. And then I stumbled upon this long-lost piece of poetry that I wrote probably more than a year ago. I thought I would only be fair to it if I finally let it see the light of day. And so, here it is. Might as well be my last poem to come out for a long time to come, given that I am on some kind of a sabbatical from poetry for now.

How helpless can you feel at times
When you just don't know what to do
There's a lump in your throat, your eyes well up
But you have to swallow your tears
And move along with a cheer.

Family, friends, you've got them all
Yet why do you feel like you have no one?
No one you could turn to
No one to call your own
You end up standing alone
Lost in this crowd of intimate strangers.

You know you're losing this one-sided fight
And a mute spectator to your own turbulent life
You feel suffocated, dying to cry out
A strangely profound fear fills your heart.

You've lost your courage, you've lost your spirit
You've lost all sense of retribution
You've lost your faith, your mind is in tumult
Either you break out of this deluge
Or it tears you down.

You act like you're fine, you smile, you laugh
But you're falling to pieces with every silent blow
You tell yourself, this too shall pass
But somewhere deep inside, you know it never would
And you feel the helplessness take over you
As you watch yourself breaking down...

This piece is an attempt at expressing certain feelings that lie buried in a corner of everybody's hearts. There are those times when you feel totally helpless, lost and confused. As if you're falling into a deep abyss with no way to escape. The feeling may be a temporary one for some, and a lifelong void for others. But while it lasts, it leaves you gasping for breath, wishing that you'd be dead instead of enduring such excruciating pain. Because it isn't as much the pain of not being able to do anything, as of not really knowing what to do.


Vyankatesh said...

Deep and poignant.

Mahima said...

Thank you Vyankatesh. :)

Ashwin D said...

Mahima this is really a great one, awesome! :) I think you can relate this to my latest post too at do visit :)

☂☆ Vållῐ ★♬ said...

Awesome...really loved it...It feels as if I'm reading my heart feelings
Visit my blog if you have time

sunbyanyname said...

What a coicidence that I put up Gulzar's 'Koi hota jisako apna, hum apna keh lete yaaro' on my facebook page 'Lyrical'?

Amar Ashok Jajoo said...

There're times when I feel extremely depressed, and I feel i should write something but I'm always short of words..More acurately I'm too shattered to write! But I'm sure I would've wrote something exactly like you wrote! Point - You captured the gist of it!

Mahima said...

@Ashwin - Thank you so much! :)
I read your post, and true, the sentiments I expressed above do show up in your words very well. Nice post. :)

@Valli - I am honored that you feel that way. :)
I visited your blog. You write beautifully. I especially liked the post :)

@sunbyanyname - Indeed a coincidence, but a beautiful one at that. Lovely song that one.

@SB - Thank you! You know what, you must write more often. I mean I really wait for your posts! And I personally feel you outdo me at poetry by a huuuuge margin. :)

Arnab Maity said...

Whenever you feel unhappy and distressed think of the small things that make you happy and go ahead to chase them, I am sure you will feel good.
Lovely post

Mahima said...

@Arnab - There are things that sometimes we know but can't seem to apply in the right situations. Your advice above is one such thing. Sounds so appealing right now. Thank you. :)