Saturday, February 4, 2012

Breaking Down

I have been thinking about what my next post should be. It's already been long enough since I wrote. And then I stumbled upon this long-lost piece of poetry that I wrote probably more than a year ago. I thought I would only be fair to it if I finally let it see the light of day. And so, here it is. Might as well be my last poem to come out for a long time to come, given that I am on some kind of a sabbatical from poetry for now.

How helpless can you feel at times
When you just don't know what to do
There's a lump in your throat, your eyes well up
But you have to swallow your tears
And move along with a cheer.

Family, friends, you've got them all
Yet why do you feel like you have no one?
No one you could turn to
No one to call your own
You end up standing alone
Lost in this crowd of intimate strangers.

You know you're losing this one-sided fight
And a mute spectator to your own turbulent life
You feel suffocated, dying to cry out
A strangely profound fear fills your heart.

You've lost your courage, you've lost your spirit
You've lost all sense of retribution
You've lost your faith, your mind is in tumult
Either you break out of this deluge
Or it tears you down.

You act like you're fine, you smile, you laugh
But you're falling to pieces with every silent blow
You tell yourself, this too shall pass
But somewhere deep inside, you know it never would
And you feel the helplessness take over you
As you watch yourself breaking down...

This piece is an attempt at expressing certain feelings that lie buried in a corner of everybody's hearts. There are those times when you feel totally helpless, lost and confused. As if you're falling into a deep abyss with no way to escape. The feeling may be a temporary one for some, and a lifelong void for others. But while it lasts, it leaves you gasping for breath, wishing that you'd be dead instead of enduring such excruciating pain. Because it isn't as much the pain of not being able to do anything, as of not really knowing what to do.
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