Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Eyes to My Soul - Part II

Read the rest of the story here.

Part II

I remember the day she called me over for lunch. I was a nervous wreck. It wouldn’t be your fault if you thought I looked like one too. I was having almost girly jitters. In a state of part excitement and part anxiety, I couldn’t eat all day. Random thoughts kept flashing through my mind. Was I finally going to name the feelings I had for her? Would I admit them to her? Will I be able to say a single coherent word in the face of her deep crystal eyes that double up as a polygraph? Did I even have the courage to own up to my own feelings? Questions galore, answers none. I looked at myself in the mirror again and again but couldn’t figure out what was wrong. Something was out of place. Was it that conspicuous blush on my face? God, I was panicking. She could easily do this (and more) to me with something as simple as an invitation to eat out.



I was supposed to meet her at a fast food joint near her college. I reached half an hour early to calm my jittery nerves, so as to cut a smart picture when she arrived. Did I succeed in doing so? I wouldn’t know. She never showed any hint of ever noticing anything different that I’d tried on in order to impress her. Whenever I tried to dress up well or get a ‘cool’ haircut, all she would do was to act amused, laugh it off or outright ignore it. It always reminded me of how rugged and uncivilized I looked beside her. Not that she cared though. She was always her nicest to me.

She as usual came ten minutes late and started telling me all about her day at college. I kept looking at her, slightly nodding or interjecting wherever I thought it would give her an impression that I was following her words. Not that I wasn’t interested; she was an eloquent speaker. I just found it hard to concentrate at the same time on her moving lips, the glint of her earrings and the sound of her talk. It just wreaked havoc on my senses if I tried to catch all of them together. So I concentrated on one thing at a time. She had noticed that many a times and told me I had attention deficiency syndrome. Yeah, right. Nice way to defend yourself, I thought. But this day was different. She kept talking and I kept looking, but gradually I started to notice that she was talking less excitedly, with longer silences in between. I didn’t know what to do. Found myself in a catch 22 situation – to I ask her what’s wrong and risk being shut up, or let her go on and wait till she shares it herself? And on an impulse I blurted out that she was looking worried. She looked at me (and I momentarily froze) and inquired if it was indeed that conspicuous. Now I’d easily have said, it might not be for others, but I know your moods and behavior well enough to be able to notice it. I would’ve sounded all macho and impressive. But all I could manage was a yes. And she flinched and looked away.

By now I had completely forgotten about all those fears and jitters I’d been full of earlier. Her worries always made me forget mine. And I knew it was going to be a matter of mere seconds before she’d be out with whatever it was that was bothering her. She couldn’t hide things from me. Not until she wanted to, which was another matter altogether. So I waited in silence as she sat looking into space. Minutes passed, our food came. And then she turned towards me, her face suddenly flushed, and exclaimed, “I think I like a guy.”

To be continued...


(Find the third part of the story here.)
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